2022 Horror Movies: Squashed Pumpkin Reviews


In honor of the spooky season, it seems to be the perfect time to talk about some haunt-tastic thriller films that have creeped their way into theaters this year. I had the terrifying experience of watching all these movies at the theater, so here’s my spook opinion on whether or not these are worth your time and money. **SPOILER FREE**


The Black Phone

Rating: 🎃🎃/🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

Gore: 🦴/🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴

Jumpscare: 👻👻👻/👻👻👻👻👻

Creepiness: 😵‍💫/😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

The black phone is a supernatural horror following Finney Blake, a young boy who’s kidnapped by The Grabber, a local man terrorizing the neighborhood snatching young boys off the street for them to never be seen again. This film shows how far a boy is willing to go for survival as his sister searches for him. With the help of the ghosts of past victims communicating through a broken phone on the wall, they advise Finn on The Grabber’s games and how to survive what’s about to come. 

The story had a good plotline, yet the horror factor wasn’t really there throughout the film. It gave more of a creepy vibe that the grabber could get you next. It did a good job leading the viewer into the scenes with such great intensity while keeping the audience rooting for the main character to stay alive to draw them in. 



Rating: 🎃🎃🎃🎃/🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃

Gore: 🦴🦴🦴/🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴

Jumpscare: 👻👻/👻👻👻👻👻

Creepiness:  😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫/😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

After an accidental double booking of a rental house and unable to find another residence, Tess now having to stay with a stranger realizes there’s much to fear lurking within this home then the unforeseen house guest.

This movie had me rethinking the next AirBNB I was gonna stay in. The eerie vibe the movie resonates throughout the whole film is terrifying. From the beginning you can feel that something is very wrong in that house. As the story progresses and unravels, things spiral down and down and down and down. The jumpscares will leave you crawling out of your seats and jumping into nearby friends’ laps.

“The movie was weird but there [were] a lot of jump scares.” (Mariah Affonso, Grade 12)




Gore: 🦴🦴🦴🦴/🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴

Jumpscare: 👻👻👻👻/👻👻👻👻👻

Creepiness:  😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫/😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

After witnessing the brutal death of a patient, Dr. Rose begins to see and hear things. First believing she’s suffering from PTSD, she soon realizes something much more sinister has crawled into her mind: and it wants control. Putting her mind to work, she begins finding a pattern to these strange happenings and hallucinations. But will she be able to overcome them in the end?

It scared the heck out of me. That is the best way I can put it. The movie was so creepy yet continued to draw you in with its plot. The haunting smile each actor wears throughout the movie is just truly spine chilling, especially while they repeatedly jump out at you in horrifying methods. It definitely was one of the scariest movies I have seen this year with a trailer that does a great job of not revealing the entire plot. 




Gore: 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴/🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴

Jumpscare: 👻👻👻👻👻/👻👻👻👻👻

Creepiness:  😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫/😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

After the death of his ex wife, Dr. Nate, wanting to reconnect with his teenage daughters, takes them on a safari through the African savanna to visit their uncle and see where their mother was originally from. While touring, things go extremely wrong when a rogue lion begins killing for sport and they suddenly become prey. Stranded in the middle of the savanna with no service, trapped in a car, in need of medical attention, and being hunted, the family must struggle to survive and make their way back to civilization before the lion gets the best of them.

I actually genuinely enjoyed this movie though. If you’re a person who can’t handle gore this probably wouldn’t be the best for you. The action and intensity keeps the viewer so drawn in as the characters fight for survival. It’s a really interesting aspect seeing people known to be predators being turned into prey. Humans are often considered to be the top of the food chain and this is a test of this theory.




Gore: 🦴🦴/🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴

Jumpscare: 👻/👻👻👻👻👻

Creepiness: 😵‍💫/😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Nope tells the story of a brother and sister trying to take care of their late fathers horse ranch in a small mountain desert town when something from the sky begins to terrorize the area at night. As horses and people from town go missing, the pair of siblings team up with a camera man and security company worker to unravel the murderous creature hiding out in the clouds while others are trying to draw it out. 

Honestly the movie wasn’t as scary as I thought but I do have to agree with the title because the whole time you’re watching  you and the characters will be yelling ‘nope’ crying out at the screen as you watch the characters make vital and crucial mistakes. I was slightly disappointed in the film after seeing the trailers and the hype it was getting, but it wasn’t a bad movie; I just wouldn’t consider it horrifying. 


Orphan: First Kill


Gore: 🦴🦴/🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴

Jumpscare: 👻/👻👻👻👻👻

Creepiness: 😵‍💫😵‍💫/😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Orphan is the tale of a 30 year old russian woman named Esther who escaped an asylum and travels to America disguised as the missing child of a wealthy family. While impersonating their daughter, issues arise between Esther and the parents and she soon realizes they’re willing to do anything to protect what’s left of their family.  

The creepiness was there but the lack of believability throughout the film didn’t really sell it to me. But like most sequels, they aren’t as good as the first. I felt certain aspects of the film were just forced to give it the scare factor even when it didn’t really go with the plot.